I was on dearblankpleaseblank.com today and saw the following post:
Dear teens,
Please know that what doesn't kill you might help make you
stronger...but it also makes you bitter.
Sincerely, experience
You only become bitter if you choose to let negative experiences affect you that way. Just because something is difficult to handle, just because it's painful and uncomfortable, just because it was the hardest thing you've ever had to endure, you don't have to let it make you bitter.
If you blame your negative experiences on the world, on God, on yourself, on your parents or your boyfriend or your best friend or your sister or brother or your significant other, then yes, you will come out on the other side bitter and angry at whomever or whatever you blame it on. But if you accept that you learned a thing or two, that it's no one's fault, that you aren't being punished for doing something wrong, that God doesn't make life easy for anyone, then you'll probably come out the other side with more faith in yourself and in your ability to withstand the hard times.
This is coming from someone who has had a hell of a year, literally. There isn't much else that could have happened this year to make it any worse beyond someone dying or being critically injured. It's been difficult academically, socially, physically, emotionally, and psychologically. As I write this, I'm still struggling with depression and anxiety. Most days I still don't really try to improve things because I just don't have the energy to care. I don't mean to sound self-obsessed, but right now, what's best for me is to be solely concerned with myself--with my health and my relationships and my grades.
Don't hold others accountable for your problems. But don't blame yourself, hold yourself accountable for dealing with your problems, no matter who is to blame. There is no "whose fault is it?" anymore. Especially when dealing with serious psychological problems. Yes, you need to get to the root of the problem and you need to know what caused it, but no one is to blame for your problems.
Yes, I could blame my parents and my siblings for how they treated me when I was little. They weren't always nice and some of the things that they said or did had profoundly negative impacts on my life, but I don't blame them. I have a genetic predisposition for depression. Does that make it my parents' fault? No. Being the youngest of six kids, I wasn't the center of attention, and I often felt ignored because there were so many other people who needed attention. Does that make it my siblings' fault? No. Does that make it my parents' fault? No. I never experienced depression before college. Does that make it my school's fault? Hell no. No one is to blame for my depression. I may not have been the most important person in anyone's life growing up, but I can guarantee that I was important to my family. And that's what kept me going even when I became suicidal. The knowledge that I would be missed, that I was loved and treasured. I still have more problems than I care to name to deal with, but given enough time, they will be dealt with.
Every day may be difficult, but each day I am here makes me stronger. Depression hasn't killed me yet, and I don't intend to let it.
