So this started as the answer to the following question:
"Which book has had the biggest impact on your life and why?" from happify.com
It turned into something completely different.
I'm a huge reader, primarily of science fiction and fantasy, but I'll read anything. The first book I thought of in answer to the question is The Deed of Paksenarrion by Elizabeth Moon. It's an epic fantasy novel. It's actually an omnibus of the first three Paksenarrion novels, but you have to read all three to get the full impact. It taught me to follow my own heart no matter what others may say and that all trials can be overcome if you are willing to work hard at them. It's a little of a cliche lesson, but the second time I read it (the first time it was just another book to me), I read it at precisely the right time in my life. I was in the right frame of mind, that is to say, really depressed, to see the power of Paksenarrion's belief in fighting for what is not just right to her, but right to everyone, on every character around her. It's not easy to be that kind of character, I imagine, but she somehow has this infallible moral compass of what is true and good in her world and that is what she follows, not the words or deeds of others. It can be so hard to do that here, in this society that encourages greed and vanity and power, to ignore what everyone else does in search of what is right for you at that point in your life. I am never going to be perfect in the eyes of society, but that doesn't make me worthless. There are people out there who see me as being perfect in who I am for who I am, and I am eternally grateful to those people. Yes, I am flawed, and yes, I have made mistakes. I have gloriously failed at being a student once. That doesn't mean that I will always fail. My self-esteem may be practically non-existent, but that doesn't mean that I don't have shreds of self-confidence. I may be a little on the "chubby side" but, for pete's sake, I'm six foot one! I'm never going to be a size 2 or 4. That is just not healthy. And besides, me being that skinny would require me to cut my pelvis in half, so let's not do that. That is a terrible idea. I'm a size 14. I would not object to being a size 12, but I'm not going to fight my body. Losing ten pounds would not be a bad idea, say my doctors, but I'm technically fine where I am. My complexion isn't great and I never wear makeup. My arms are all scarred from acne, oh well. I am a human being. The definition of being human is being flawed. And hey, guess what, my hormones are screwed up too.
I am not perfect, but I'm learning to accept all of me as I am. I'd rather be healthy than perfect.
