The Session by The Angry Therapist

"Many think a good session means tears, light bulb moments, or life changing revelations. This is not always the case. I get it. Therapy can be expensive. You want the most bang for your buck. But therapy is not like personal training. You may not see results for years. Therapy can’t be defined. It’s one of the most abstract things money can buy. Sometimes, therapy acts as a bridge as we transition from one phase of our life to another. Other times, a sounding board. A place of healing. For some, it’s church. For others, a big money waste. What we get out of the session can not be predicted. And I think that’s why many don’t seek it. There is no guarantee. That and the fact that they don’t wanna face their shit. But that’s another post. Here are some tips on having the right mindset so you get the most out of the session. For both therapists as well as clients. 

Therapists, don’t judge your sessions. That’s not your job. If you do, the pressure you put on yourself to be “good” will turn into a performance, which means you will make it more about you than your clients. We learn so many theories and interventions in “therapy school” that once we’re in front of a real person with real issues, we forget we’re human. We come in as a giant DSM-IV with a six figure debt that says we must fix people. Fast. But the truth is nothing’s going to happen until you first have a human connection with your client. If you judge your sessions, you will prevent this from happening. The pressure to be a good therapist will make you, well, a not so good one. I believe the best therapists hold space without judgement or a lab coat. They come as humans. They do life with their clients. Not at them. Okay, now I’m bird walking.

Clients, don’t leave analyzing what you got or didn’t from each session. Therapy is cumulative. You have to tell yourself you’re putting X amount of dollars toward your mental health every month. You’re investing in you. This means healthier relationships. Then attend your sessions like it’s Karate class. You’re there to earn belts but know that it’s going to take time. It’s a process.

Therapists, let the client steer the session. This means don’t come into each session with a detailed plan. I believe many therapist do this because they are afraid to just be. They hide behind structure. Hey therapists, you are the value. Who you are, not what you know. The most powerful sessions happen in the here and now. So come in naked. Not literally. It’s important to have goals for your clients but not an itinerary for each session. That limits the room to swim and therapy can quickly turn into a seminar or lecture. Let what happens in the moment guide where the session goes.

Clients, if you a problem with your therapist, address it. In the room. We are trained to not be defensive. You are paying us to hold a safe space. You don’t need to take care of us. If you hurt our feelings, we’ll process that with our own therapist. It’s your session. Use it.

Therapists, remember why you got into this in the first place. It’s so easy to forget, especially if you have a busy practice and see clients back to back one right after another. Don’t allow sessions to become numbers you need to hit in order to pay bills or live a certain lifestyle. When your clients turn into numbers is when you are in trouble. Remind yourself that each session is a gift, an opportunity to help others but also grow yourself.

Clients / therapists, therapy doesn’t have to be painful and boring. Therapy can be fun. Do things out of the box. Play games. Be creative. Do your session on a walk. Switch things up. No one says you have to be in a nondescript room with a chair and a couch in order for growth to happen."

- Angry